We want to provide you with a means and opportunity to bless your child, as they prepare to graduate. Below you will see Two Steps (as outlined by Dr. John Trent, in his book “The Blessing”) to take in order for you to share your own spoken blessing with your child. Even if you are unable to join us for Senior Day, we still strongly encourage you to do this for your child. They are at a crossroads moment, and the things you speak into their life are so powerful.
So just what is “the Blessing” anyway?
A blessing, according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, is “the act or words of one that blesses,” or “a thing conducive to happiness or welfare.” The word first appears in Scripture in Genesis 1:22, when God blessed the sea creatures and birds, telling them to be fruitful and multiply in the earth. Just a few verses later, God gives a similar blessing to Adam and Eve, adding that they were to exercise dominion over creation. Later in Genesis, God promised to bless Abram, to make his name great, and through him, to bless all the families of the earth. These blessings are clearly associated with happiness and welfare, both for Abram and others.
God is not the only one who pronounces blessings.
Every time a “blessing” was given in God’s word – whether it was a parent blessing a child; a grandparent blessing a grandchild; a spouse choosing to bless their life-partner; friends blessing each other; or even Jesus blessing children who were brought to Him – there were 5 things that were a part of that blessing.
We want to share these five “elements” (in abbreviated form), so that you can bless your own child.
The Five Elements of the Blessing
1) Appropriate Meaningful Touch – Whether it was with the laying on of hands, a hug, a pat on the shoulders, or placing a hand on a young child’s head or holding them in your arms, appropriate meaningful touch is a way to say “I love you!” even before a word is spoken. All through scripture, you see “touch” being important in blessing others.
2) Spoken (or Written) Words – Way, way, too many people I’ve counseled over the years have told me, “I know my parents loved me… but I never actually heard the words.” Then sadly, they never got the blessing from their parents. Along with appropriate meaningful touch, the Blessing ALWAYS involved WORDS, either spoken or written…But what kind of words?
3) Attach High Value – The third element of the Blessing involves our “attaching” our spoken (or written) words of “high value” to a loved one’s life – a “tangible” action that helps them know they have great value in your eyes and in God’s eyes well. Often these words highlight a character trait or a God-given bent. For example, you might say or write something like, “You have such a sensitive heart when people around you are hurting. When your little sister falls or hurts herself, you always step forward to get her some help or to help her feel better.” In short, it’s a child hearing that, in your opinion, he or she has traits, skills, abilities, and makes choices that are of high worth and value to you and the Lord.
4) Picturing a Special Future – In Scripture, the Blessing was also a time for a parent (grandparent or loved one) to assure a person of God’s blessing on their future, and their own prayer for that person’s future. In Jeremiah 29:11, God says of His children, “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” When a Blessing was given in Scripture, it helped a child (or loved one) know that God saw positive things in their life and future – and their parents or loved ones did as well. Kids tend to be literalists when it comes to hearing about their future from their parents. (Which is also why negative words, like, “You’re so stupid. Don’t take algebra – that’s for the smart kids!” can be so destructive– in fact we call that a “curse” or subtracting from a child.
Children carry the words we speak over them into their future – positive or negative. So linking a character trait they have today, with a prayer for God to use that trait in the future, are key ways of giving the Blessing to a child. (i.e., “You’re do such a great job of taking things apart to see how things work. I wouldn’t be surprised if God used that ability some day to help solve problems or to help build things that help lots of people.”
5) Genuine Commitment – While the choice to “Bless” was an intentional act that was often linked with a special situation or occasion, (marriage, birth, death, moving away, etc.), the 5 elements of the Blessing are things that we can choose to add to a loved ones life each day!
In other words, we can choose to “hug” our child before they head out the door (appropriate meaningful touch), or write them a note to put in their lunch telling them we’re praying for them (spoken message and attaching high value). In short, while the Blessing may have been linked to a specific event in Scripture, like a marriage, or when a grown child was leaving home, or near the end of a parent’s life, it wasn’t just a one-time event. It was a way of saying, “I use this event to bless you – but I choose from now on to live out these words of affirmation, encouragement and love in your life.” In other words, while we’re asking you to “take the Blessing Challenge” by creating a special, intentional, purposeful event for your child, genuine commitment is looking for ways to live out these 5 elements of the blessing with your child.
There it is — that’s a very quick look at these 5 very simple, but incredibly powerful “elements” that go into giving the Blessing.
Now that you’re up to speed on what the Blessing is in Scripture – let’s jump into STEP ONE of the BLESSING CHALLENGE!
Writing Out Your Blessing
1) STEP ONE: CAPTURE YOUR BLESSING IN WORDS
Step One begins with you CAPTURING YOUR BLESSING IN WORDS in just three short paragraphs. In fact, those three short paragraphs will help you capture four of the five elements of the Blessing you’ve just read about! All you have to do is go to STEP TWO next (where you create a special occasion to give your Blessing and make it memorable – Vansickle Baptist Church wants to use the Senior Luncheon as a platform for you to give that Blessing) and then add your “appropriate touch” when you read them your Blessing – and you’ve wrapped all 5 elements into a life-giving, life-changing “gift” for your child or loved one!
Why write out my Blessing? Remember this is just a “first step.” There will be times, MANY times we pray, where you “bless” your child with one or several of those elements of the Blessing. Like a hug before bed, or sharing with them words that picture a special future when you drop them off at school. In short, you don’t have to “write out” your blessing every time you bless a child or person – but it’s a great “first step!”
I’m ready! Where do I start?!? In just three simple paragraphs you’re going to capture your Blessing!
How you write out Paragraph One: It doesn’t matter if you use pencil and paper, or the computer, but think of ONE thing that you value and appreciate about that person which God has given you to bless. (OK, you can pick two things, but just pick ONE or two things at most that you’re very thankful for as you think about this child or person). Remember, you’re going to be looking for times and ways to “bless” them for years to come! You don’t need to put everything into words right now, feel like this has to be “perfectly written” or write a book! Just three short paragraphs (you get tons of grace on spelling and grammar) and you’ve taken this “first step!”.
For example, let’s say you have a son whose name is Jared. As you think about him, let’s say it’s his perpetual smile and his nonstop energy for life that jumps out at you. You can’t decide on which one trait wins out that you like the most, so you just put both into a few short sentences, written like a prayer. Here’s an example below:
Paragraph One Example:
“Jared, we are so grateful that the Lord has given you to us. Two things we love about you so much is how the Lord has built into your life such a joyful spirit and He’s combined that with an amazing energy for jumping right into the middle life!”
(Remember “spoken message” and “attaching high value” are the first two elements of the Blessing. You’ve just captured both in one sentence – or you will have when you read your whole Blessing to your loved one when you’re done!)
How do you write out Paragraph Two: Let’s stay with Jared as our example. Now pick ONE CHALLENGE that Jared is facing this year. EVERYONE faces challenges! What’s one thing that he’s facing? In this case, let’s say Jared’s family moved over the Summer. Jared is getting ready to start 5th Grade in a new school. That means he has to make new friends in a whole new place. That’s a challenge for almost any kid! So what do you do? Again, like you’re writing out a prayer, you capture words that can help him “see” (or in this case, to hear) your “spoken words” that “attach high value.” And because you’re helping him see “beyond” this challenge, you’re also helping him see a “special future” — even in spite starting in a new school. And you’ll do that by just writing a few sentences!
Paragraph Two Example:
“Jared, we know as you start 5th Grade at a new school that there will be lots of challenges. But your joy for life, your incredible smile and your willingness to jump in and try new things, are strengths God will use in your life to help this be a great year for you – and to help others. We believe the Lord get through the tough days, and help you find that right group of friends. We know it may be tough at first, but we pray that by the end of the year, this will have been the best year ever for you in your new school. “
How you write Paragraph Three: Now you’ve just got ONE MORE short paragraph to write – then you’re ready to head on to STEP TWO and begin to create an experience in which to read and give Jared your Blessing! But first, that third short paragraph is going to focus on that 5th element of the Blessing – “Genuine Commitment.”
You’ve shared something that you love and appreciate about this child, (spoken message and attaching high value) and how God has given them strengthen to help them get through even the most challenging times ahead. Now PARAGRAPH THREE IS a statement of GENUINE COMMITMENT or the 5th element of the Blessing. In a few sentences, you share how YOU and THE LORD are committed to this child (or person) – no matter what.
Here’s an example of a few sentences that capture our, and our Lord’s “commitment” to them as they do life and face challenges:
“So Jared, may you know every day, that Mom and I are going to be praying for you and will be looking for ways to cheer you on. And even on those days when it may be tough to smile or when you’re lonely and miss your old friend, or times are just tough, may you remember that you’re NEVER alone. Jesus has said, “For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5). We want you to know that God will be with you every day in your new school. He’ll be your Shepherd and guide every day, and as long as we have life and breath, we’ll be there for you as well. We can’t wait to watch you use the God’s given strengths He’s give you to create a special future!”
That’s it! Three short paragraphs and you’ve written out your Blessing! Now you’re ready to go to STEP TWO and create a special way in which these words (with your appropriate touch added in) can give your child or loved one Your Blessing!
If you would like to see other examples of letters (i.e. blessings) that parents wrote, follow this link.
Please feel free to go deeper by going to scripture yourself and reading about the Blessing (I’d suggest Genesis 27 – the story of two twins: Jacob who received the Blessing and Esau who misses it and his terrible cry of emotional pain). And at www.TheBlessing.com you’ll find several books that unpack this concept in much more detail. For example, there’s the newly revised and updated book, The Blessing, that’s a “how to” manual on giving, living and even dealing with having missed the Blessing yourself. Or, you can order Dr. Trent’s first fiction book (written with Annette Smith) called, A Place Called Blessing. It teaches the principles of the Blessing through the story of a young man named Josh who grew up thinking he’d never be worthy of being loved or “blessed” – and yet in meeting one family, he discovers where hurting ends and love begins. You can even find a children’s book, called, “I’d Choose You!” which is a beautifully illustrated way of teaching your children the 5 elements of the Blessing.
The Blessing Challenge is powered by StrongFamilies.com® in association with Focus on the Family.